Jake Gyllenhaal - 'a face made for the transmission of complicated messages'

Yesterday's tribute to Jake Gyllenhaal's eyebrows - a tribute LONG overdue, I would argue - caused consternation on account of its 'gluey globes'. Having demonstrated beyond all doubt, that Jake's ink-blue orbs have not been infiltrated and pumped by cowgum and are no more sticky than a teardrop of nectar on a summer's day, it is time to turn our attention to the rest of the sentence. Let me remind you of the original: Jake's 'features are theatrically overstated: fat lips, thick eyebrows, and distended eyelids that have to stretch to conceal two glistening, gluey globes'.



Fat lips?! I believe some interpreted this as 'Flat lips', which is hardly better. Fit lips, maybe. This post, therefore attempts to float the ship back on its even keel (I apologise for this metaphor - I have no idea what I'm talking about) by scrutinising Jake's lips. We would be lucky to have one, but we can be duly grateful that Jake's lips come in a set of two.


Time magazine had this to say about Jake's features: 'Jake Gyllenhaal has just those qualities, plus huge brown eyes and a fretful mouth, giving him the look of a spaniel afraid he's about to be swatted.' Obviously, Time wins 0/10 for observancy, for not realising that Jake does not have brown eyes, but is it fair to describe Jake as a spaniel about to be swatted? Has anyone ever seen a spaniel swatted? I hope not.



The Daily Mail once conducted a most frightening experiment. Based on the votes of its readers, it put together composites of stars to create the superstar. The superhunk had Jake's mouth. While this is a good thing, the ideal mouth was let down by not being attached to Jake's other features. Instead, those perfect lips were lumbered with David Beckham's stubble, Ben Affleck's nose and the hair of someone I've never heard of but is apparently called Chad. The result is too ferocious to post here so you must follow the link.


The Telegraph described Jake's face as follows: 'Gyllenhaal's eyes are blue, and big like a cow's, his nose is solid-looking and he has a full and sculpted mouth which turns up at the corners.' While I would argue that I've never yet seen a cow whose eyes I wanted to drown in, the description of the mouth rings with more truth. Even in profile it shouts out for attention.



Of course, as you'll see from the pictures in this post, Jake's lips are neither flat nor fat and can be put to use for any number of comical, serious or sensuous expressions and moods. They also serve to conceal that other weapon in Jake's lethal arsenal - the tongue. To even attempt to do justice to the Gyllentongue in a post is foolish, and I won't try here, but Jake's tongue is so impressive, Jake once claimed it existed in a different time zone from the rest of him. During a London interview, Jake apologised: 'I flew in yesterday and my tongue is still on American time.'



I do like this description of the elements of Jake's face, which comes from a review of Donnie Darko: 'He [has] also something more durable than classic good looks - a face made for the transmission of complicated messages. A strong nose and a droll, downward tilt to the eyebrows collude with an upward twitch to the lips to produce a highly adaptable blend of melancholy and mischief.' Whatever the angle, whatever the expression, Jake's face is an endless source of mystery and intrigue, as well as wonder and delight.


Includes pictures from IHJ.