Spooky Post of Horror - Stephen King, Jake Gyllenhaal cut in half by Duncan Jones and... Chekhov

Take heed all those who seek to cross the threshold and enter deep within the ivy-clad and ruined walls of this Scary Post. I've done my best to exorcise the post of bats and spiders and snakes but you never know - likely some may still lurk in the foggy stench. Ready to swoop as only a bat and spider and snake can... So, forewarned, pull up a dusty chair to the spitting red flame in the stone hearth and listen, my brave friends, to the Scary Post... If you dare!


I have been to Salem (not to be confused with a Winter Olympics ski event) and so I consider myself extraordinarily qualified to write this post. I have stood inside the black wooden houses of witches and lived to tell the tale and drink the beer and eat a rather nice Caesar Salad. Therefore, when the master of horror, Stephen King, admitted this week that he would like Jake Gyllenhaal to play Stu in the remake of The Stand, my heart did a little lurch. Not an entirely pleasant feeling, but then we're talking horror here. And horror is not something we have yet to see on Jake's filmsheet. A little tingle here and there courtesy of Donnie Darko and Zodiac, but no shrieking, entrails-wrenching, red-blooded horror, such as we would get courtesy of The Stand. Personally, I'm still recovering from the original version...


However, before we get too over the full moon about this, there are a couple of points to note. Jake is actually Stephen King's runner-up - Gary Senise, who played the role originally gets top favour. Secondly, King knows absolutely nothing about this film version except what he's read on the internet. In that case, our opinion is almost as valid and I too welcome the idea of hiding behind my sofa (if I had a sofa, which I don't) to see Jake battle all sorts of supernatural and post-death ghouls. But not clowns - never, clowns.


But the terror does not stop there. The Montreal Gazette has an interview with Adrien Morot today and the interview begins like this... 'The door opens and there to greet visitors is the actor Jake Gyllenhaal. Half of him, anyway. He has been severed below the waist. Rather crudely at that, if his bloodied entrails are any indication. He’s also missing his hands. But his face is perfectly intact, and his beard is nicely trimmed. He even seems at peace with the world.'

'It takes a few seconds to realize that this is not what’s left of the Brokeback Mountain star, but is actually a near flawless, though partial, Gyllenhaal facsimile, made of clay, acetone, silicone, putty, resins and one dreads to know what else. As entrances go, the vestibule area to Adrien Morot’s workshop is sweet, in a class all its own. And that’s nothing compared to what beckons inside his 3,000-square-foot studio – which even master of the macabre Stephen King might find unsettling. In fact, the former, somewhat rundown manufacturing plant in Mile End in which Morot’s workshop is located could pass for the set of a horror flick.'


And it goes on: 'Morot is a makeup effects artist. The key and defining word here is “effects.” He doesn’t merely smear foundation on the faces of actors who need all the polishing up they can get. Morot replicates both critters and humanoids from the feet up, save in instances like his severed Gyllenhaal creation, which he did for the coming Montreal-made flick Source Code. He also performs makeup-effects miracles on living actors like Giamatti, whose Barney, through facial prosthetics, was able to age from his early 30s to his late 60s over the course of the film.'

Yes, my spooked friends, Duncan Jones cuts Jake Gyllenhaal in half in Source Code.

Gulp.



But the horror doesn't even end there, in the bloody Colter guts. There is more. But hold on to the edge of your cobweb drenched armchair because it doesn't get much more scary than this. Last night, Jake Gyllenhaal went to see a Chekhov play!

Having seen several Chekhov plays in my time, I applaud Jake's bravery in sitting through a couple of hours that may indeed have felt like a long drawn-out suffering apocalyptic end to life. Maggie and Peter (who seem unable to dispel the evil Chekhov charm and return to his plays year after year) no doubt made it easier for Jake. Carey, another Chekhov victim, was also sucked in. But to get over it, Jake took Peter and his moustaches out for dinner.

Unfortunately they couldn't get in because a private party was on.


Includes pictures with thanks from ManMadeMovies, IHJ and PoPSugar.

My review of Sanctum 3D is now up at MovieBrit!