Meeting your every Jake need - Your Jake Gyllenhaal Store for all things Jake

A couple of Jake-related things made me laugh today - first off, Jake has a mention in the September issue of Blood: The American Journal of Hemataology. Yep, Jake Gyllenhaal was poorly used by an extremely ill-informed (actorwise) scientist as an analogy to try and explain the unexplainable. But it did make me laugh...


Your Jake Store

Secondly, Defamer brought to light the store 'Un Jake Pour Vous'. In this store you can buy everything Jake and turn your man or yourself into the moviestar of your dreams. This store is clearly not on my doorstep and so I am left to my imagination to try and figure out just what the shop contains and what it is that you need to create your very own Jake.


Casual Attire

The essential requirements for your Jake comprise the standard Jake casual uniform: white t-shirt (preferably v-neck), combined with blue jeans (slightly loose and little too long) and either boots or Nike. The boots should be well worn and a bit scuffed. By contrast, the Nike should be pristine and replaced at regular intervals. Occasionally, the intensity of Nike colour can be too much so it is best to rely on well tried and tested colour schemes and offset the effect with Shox absorbers. And sometimes, the strength of design means that the t-shirt does not have to be white.




Sometimes a t-shirt is not suitable, especially for dinner, in which case the jeans can be worn with a shirt (not tucked in) and a jacket. Clearly, Nike would be inappropriate here. Also, for family occasions, a smart cashmere sweater would be a good choice.



Slacks are also an option and can look good when paired with a see through shirt. This look is to be encouraged.




For hot days, long trousers can be replaced by shorts. Just below the knee is an ideal length for the street whereas above the knee is more suitable for the beach.



And it goes without saying that no Jake Wardrobe should be without a hoodie.


Formal attire

If a red carpet is the name of the game, then a suit is your best bet. Jake has a number of high impact suits for such events, including the infamous BAFTA 2007 shirt (quite possibly THE best shirt ever worn by a man) with black tie and suit, the supercool dark blue for Cannes and the grey and purple of Rome. The tie should always reflect the colour of the leading lady's dress. The exception is when a bowtie is judged necessary, in which case it's best to stick with black.





For interviews on television, a slightly quirky tie is desirable. As before, Nike is not appropriate and should be replaced by smart shoes, possibly Italian and always extremely polished (by someone else).


Underwear

Boxer shorts and briefs will be placed prominently in Your Jake shop.


Outdoor clothing

North Face is one of the sponsors of Your Jake store and so North Face jackets, body warmers, raincoats and bags will be found throughout. Whilst all of these should not be worn at the same time, when worn individually North Face performance clothing will get you through the most severe Californian winters (and we're talking 18 degrees centigrade here, seriously).


If North Face is unavailable, a Parker will do at a push but only for short intervals.


For lesser wintry hazards, a blue jumper with a toggle is desirable and will be kept well stocked. Scarves will also be found at regular intervals throughout the store.



Accessories

Your Jake shop will have a strong section for hats, focusing on two types: the beanie and the cap. Once selected, a hat can be worn for many years as a dearly loved favourite so choose carefully.




Sunglasses are essential and easy to lose so you may need more than one pair. Aviators are on their way out (hopefully) and so be prepared for the look of 2006/2007 to make a comeback.


Bags of all sizes will be featured, ranging from light and portable camera bags to heavyduty baggage for flights - just what you need for carrying MacBooks and lollies to your chosen destination.




Sports section

The sporting section of Your Jake store will focus on the Nike and LiveStrong names. It is encouraged that you select items that will emphasise every muscle and sinew in your body - better too tight than not. And if you have to have the zip undone then so be it.






Pet Toys

While Your Jake store will not sell actual animals (because that woud be silly - and smelly), it will sell bizarre items for entertaining yourselves and your pet. The Orange Thing is a particular favourite.



Electronics

Why have one phone when you can have two or three? A wide choice of phone and blackberry will be available, not to mention Apple laptops and iPods. These items will come with a warning - they are not to be chewed.






Discontinued lines

This season the discontinued lines include thick plaid shirts with or without (but especially with) the flock of birds decoration. Other outs include crocs (the shoes not the reptile) and orange/beige ties. It is still to be decided by management whether the cardigan will join the other items in the 'not to be seen again' department.




Coffee shop

It goes without saying that Your Jake Store will contain a coffee shop, but we strongly encourage customers to have their coffees to go.


Includes photos from IHJ, Just Jared and Your Jake Store's Catalogue (now available from WDW).